I feel like I have blinked and the last 10 weeks have passed. Let's see...where to begin...
1) Since last I wrote we've gone through both Thanksgiving and Christmas 2010. This past holiday season, I am happy to report, was at times wonderfully overwhelming. For Thanksgiving my mom, my guy, and I went down to Los Angeles to spend the weekend with my brother and his family. As I was sitting in the passenger seat while on the road I couldn't help but think back to the differences between last year and this one. I was overtaken with awe at how one little (or, not so little) decision can truly change ones life. Last year, and the previous three before that, found me alone and desperately lonely. I had my amazing friends that opened up their homes and hearts to me, but at the end of each day when I had to walk into an empty house the loneliness was palpable. It wasn't until after my divorce and the subsequent four years that I understood the statement "It's just another day" in it's entirety. Those moments when it feels as those you could vanish into thin air and no one would mourn the loss (or so it felt) was my reality, holiday or not.
This year, as I stood around the dinner table and we were taking turns saying what we're all thankful for, I was brought to tears with gratitude. There I was in the presence of the people whom I have returned to- my family- and the one who has been brought to me. "I am thankful that I am in a completely different place than I was last year. And I am thankful for the best boyfriend a girl could ever hope for" was all I could squeak out through my tears.
It was, in fact, the best holiday season I have had since they were once spent with my grandparents. There are moments when I could allow myself to feel as though I am absolutely no where that a 34 year old woman should be with her life, I could succumb to our society's standards of what, apparently, makes up a successful and productive member of society (and at the present time that's, not me)...but then I realize that I now have everything that I could have ever wanted in this life and that all there is for me to do is say "thank you". But let's be clear, I'm not living in gratitude because all that I wanted has been given to me, I am thankful for the hard fought victories and the love that has come to me despite all of the crap that life has thrown my way. Because I diligently stayed open and hopeful even in the darkest of hours, consciously deciding to never allow bitterness and anger to overtake me, my present and future are more full than I knew it to ever be possible.
2) It has become an unspoken standing date now that my mom and I watch Oprah together everyday (she, thankfully,now halts all uses of paper shredders 'til after the 4 o'clock hour). Whatever I have to do or any appointments I have to make I do before 4pm and am at home like clockwork to sit on my couch as she's in her chair, to watch the show.
This one particular day Oprah was featuring the cast of The Sound of Music complete with their behind-the-scenes stories and pictures of that magical place we all recognize as the hill that Julie Andrews twirled about on. As she went to commercial my mom says to me "The Sound of Music, Paint Your Wagon, and White Christmas have always been my three favorite movies of all time." I would have never ever known that about my mom and would have had to say to my children "I don't know what your grandmothers favorite movies were" had life not brought us to that moment in time.
Guess what she got for Christmas. :)
3) Have I mentioned how much my mother just lllooovveesss cooking shows??? And I do mean love. with a capital "L"! I laugh now because everyday I am inundated with Paula Dean, Guy whatever-his-last-name-is, The Barefoot Contessa, Giada De-somethingorother, Bobby Flay, and every other Food Network star as I wait patiently for her have mercy on me at some point and switch it to HGTV. She is definitely the foodie and I'm the decorator in the family.
But I digress. As we were watching Paula Dean one day she (Paula, not my mom) happens to mention that she used to jacks as a kid. Seconds later I hear my mom say "I used to play jacks for hours at your great grandma's house everyday after school." Just another fun fact that I've learned about my mom. Do you know what your mom used to play as a child? Maybe you should ask her.
So, in the past 10 weeks I am happy to report that my mom and I, clearly, have not killed each other. There have been those moments that I need my space, that I may wake up grumpy and not want to chit chat with Mary Sunshine over the morning news...but I can say that my mother is vaguely taking the form of a real human being now and not just this loosely defined word "mom", and I don't take that for granted in the slightest.
We laugh, she fixes dinner for us and considers it an extra treat when she can try out a new recipe on my boyfriend and I, and tomorrow I'm taking her to her doctors appointment- a part of my schedule that I find honored to be doing.
So...Life Lessons: 1) Take the time to find out what your mom's favorite (fill in the blank here) is. 2) Stay open to the tid-bits of her life that she may share with you without her even knowing. I promise that you're life will make just a little bit more sense if you do.
Christmas Mornin'
Mom & I
