I am sitting on my couch in what
will soon be one of the last Sunday nights that I ever spend in San Diego, CA.
I have never done this blogging
thing before...but at the prompting of some of my girlfriends here I am. While this new chapter that I am embarking on
comes complete with anxiety (that my life will forever be different and not
necessarily in a good way), and worry (that what I am seeking won't be found),
they on the other hand fully expect to find comic relief in my
situation....thanks girls! Only because I love you, am I doing this!
Back to the issue at hand....I am,
in fact, moving back in with my mother at 34 years old (pause for gasps and laughter). Worse yet, I'm willingly moving from
beautiful San Diego, California to
FRESNO, CA!!!! What the....??? I know, I
know....you're asking yourself "who
in their right mind would do such a thing??"...well, you're lookin' at
her!
This decision to move hasn't been
made lightly and has actually been in the back of my mind for the last 12 years
that I have been in San Diego. I moved
here over 12 years ago knowing no one, not having seen my apartment until the
day I moved in, didn't have a job, and had yet to be accepted to San Diego
State University as a transfer student.
I have always been one to believe "leap and the net will
appear", and I've never been wrong.
Within six months I met the man that later became my first husband (as
every girl should have a "1st husband" to call their own...I kid, I
kid- sort of). But one thing was for certain...San Diego wasn't home to me, and
looking back I can say that it's never felt like home to me. Yes, I have had amazing experiences and met
the most wonderful people that make my world complete, but "home" is
never a word I would use to describe this town.
Fast forward from 1998 to 2010...I
have gone through a most difficult and heart wrenching divorce, and a few other
failed attempts at relationships that have left me with the knowledge that it's
time to make a move. I have said for years,
matter-of-factly, that I would leave San Diego if a had a good reason to but I
was always in a relationship or had a job that kept me here....I now find
myself without either one so it's time to go. My biggest fear is that I will
find myself being 50 years old and simply existing in this town. That I will be complacent and bored out of my
skull.
I have recently been working at the
American Red Cross but my position has been done away with, and the last
relationship I was in ended 4 months ago....so here I am....moving back in with
my mother at 34 years old!
In a nut shell, here's what prompted
me to ask my mother "Hey, how would you feel about a roommate, mom??"
:
1. I have started my own non profit organization that
teaches dis/ABILITY awareness/ tolerance/empathy to children - United Learning Foundation,
Inc.- & I have seemingly a million start-up costs. If I move in with mom I can put all of my
money into this organization, my life's work.
2. I can save some real money for the next next chapter of
my life, where ever I'll move after this (I'm NOT getting stuck in Fresno!)
3. I can take a moment to figure out where I'm meant to end
up (REPEAT: I am NOT getting stuck in Fresno!)
4. I can spend some quality time with my mom at this time in
her life before I move on (DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME??? I'm NOT getting stuck in
Fresno!!).
5. I won't wake up every day with a perpetual sadness
hanging over my head from all of the love lost for me in this town
So the conversation went something
like this (keep in mind I keep having visions of Dorothy & Sophia...all
we'll need now is Blanche and Rose):
Me: So, mom....my position has been done away
with. How would you feel about me living
with you in my old room, and out of suitcases, for a few months?
Mom: Well...you know you can always come home. (she takes a breath) BUT!
I will tell you that you will be responsible for keeping your bedroom and
bathroom clean and does that mean that I'm inheriting a cat too (does it get
any worse for me?? A single, child-less girl with a cat??...Ugh!) because I
will have you know that I open up all of the doors and windows in the house
every morning to let in cross circulation so your cat better be in your room
because I'm not going to be responsible for the cat if the cat gets out and I
can't get it back I won't have that on my conscious....
By the way....There are no periods
for a reason, the way you read it is exactly the way she delivered it. Poor
woman never came up for air! Ugh...what have I gotten myself into.....?
